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Candid and terrifying letter from a divorced 30-something Nairobi woman

by kenya-tribune

It is not everyday that you come across a 30-something year old woman who has heavy regrets.

When you do, you have to stop and listen to what they have to say.

A city woman who got married very young has dropped a lot of knowledge on life.

Read and be enlightened.

A letter to my 20 something self…

If I’m being completely honest, the twenty something year old girl in this picture had a million expectations getting into marriage…wueh. Today I can look back and laugh at myself and at those expectations.

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Did I see some red flags from the onset – hell yes. Did I care to question them, hell – no! I had my loooong list of expectations and this marriage was a means to that end. No red flags were going to come in the way of my plans ah ah. Infact tungekosana sana if you had tried telling me I was making a mistake.

In that girl’s mind, she was thinking the first 2 years of marriage were for breezing…kwani how hard can this thing be? Si I just cook (or atleast try to) we bang and there’s happiness. Why does it have to be complicated? Weeeeeee! Nilijua sijui. But that’s a story for another day.

You can’t pick a chick and marry based on your perception of what ‘wife material’ looks like (I’m still looking for the shop that sells those btw) and say nifungie hiyo….The same way you order kuku sama at Mcfrys. Don’t try getting into marriage thinking sex will be like a prescription drug – 2*3 and that you will finally get fornication off your ‘sins to repent’ list. It might slowly but surely dawn on you that in some cases it’s like the annual bonus.

Write down every expectation you have from your partner. Write them all down, as many as you have. Then take that paper and tear it. And instead of throwing it away in pieces BURN IT. To make sure you never see it again. You should not get into marriage with expectations. Marriage is not for YOU, it’s for them. You don’t get married to GET, you get married to GIVE…Marriage isn’t for YOU.

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But even before you walk down that aisle, discover YOU. Know WHO YOU ARE in Christ. Raise Yourself Up, Love yourself, Have an IDENTITY. Have your own life before becoming somebody’s wife. It will be easy to accomodate someone else, love them and treat them right when you are doing it from an OVERFLOW.

Be content, Be satisfied, Be FULL within YOURSELF. Nobody carries YOUR identity, self worth and security. That’s on YOU.

You can never love on an empty tank, you need to have a filled cup, you need to be in an OVERFLOW. You can’t love them from your cup you have to always love them from your saucer. Because when you love them from your saucer YOU NEVER EVER run out.

Gosh set your standards so high, even you are terrified. Because why? You are a child of the most High God and you deserve the best. Don’t settle for less than you deserve, don’t be in a hurry to put on that wedding dress. A wedding is just an event, marriage is not. Just because he proposed in that romantic island in Maui don’t mean he’s the one baby girl…Be sure before you say I Do. I don’t or I’m not sure is also an answer.

If you have your doubts, wait. It’s easier to break off an engagement than it is a marriage. And guess what – you won’t die. But if you marry the wrong guy (and woe unto you he turns out to be violent), he might beat and kick the hell out of you so hard and you actually end up dead.

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Spend more time at the feet of Jesus seeking clarity and asking for answers, than you do trying to get affirmed by people who are clueless about your journey. Gosh, wait on God…Isaiah 40:31-1 But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. Don’t rush to the altar…

The decision you make in love can alter the course of your entire life. Pray for wisdom. Choose your spouse carefully. Let God be at the centre of it all. His blessings maketh rich and He adds no sorrow to it…

Yes, I have a past. But No I don’t live there anymore. You can use my hard learnt lessons to make sure you don’t make the same mistakes I did.


A wiser, still learning, divorced 30 something old.”

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