Children under supervision drawn to Santa Claus, also known as Saint Nicholas at Sarit Center on December 18, 2017. PHOTO | DIANA NGILA
Unfortunately, there’s no such thing as the ‘perfect breakup’.
But then if you’re the one bearing the bad news, there are a number of steps you can take before and during that dreaded conversation to make the experience as healthy as possible for both you and your partner.
If you have been contemplating deeply and hard about letting your partner go and calling it quits on a relationship that’s no longer serving or nourishing you, then you might have just bumped into the right article for your situation.
Here are a few tips on how you can break up this Christmas season.
Make sure you actually want to break up
Before you break up with your partner, make sure that you actually want to end the relationship. If you’re having doubts and concerns about your relationship, it’s important to share that with your partner before you break up. Having a well-thought-out breakup also means that breaking up shouldn’t be a rash decision made in the midst of an argument.
Give the conversation some thought
Once you’ve decided you want to end your relationship, it’s important to give yourself time and space to think about what you want to say before you actually say it. Writing down exactly what you want to say and practicing it in advance can help anchor the message so that when you’re in the heat of the moment, you’re able to effectively communicate your thoughts.
Practice empathy
As you plan, put yourself in your partner’s shoes. When you first fall in love, empathizing with your partner is much easier, but by the time you’re ready to end it, it might be tempting to not care how breaking up will impact your partner. But a little empathy can save you trouble down the road.
Acknowledge that you won’t be able to control their reaction
No matter what you say and how empathetically you say it, you can’t control how the other person will react.
Remind yourself that it’s completely OK to break up
It doesn’t feel good to break up with a partner, especially if it’s someone that you care deeply about, but it’s also not wrong, so you shouldn’t feel guilty about your decision. Do your mental health a favor and remind yourself that not every relationship is going to be right, that doesn’t make your partner a bad person or necessarily mean they did anything wrong. You owe it to yourself, and them, to speak up when you know the relationship isn’t serving you so that you can both move on to better things.
Deliver the news face-to-face
If you feel safe seeing your soon-to-be ex in person. You owe it to your partner to have the breakup conversation face-to-face. Yes, it’s uncomfortable and harder than breaking up over the phone but doing so shows that you care for them and that you respect them enough.
Show up sober
While it may be tempting to knock back a couple of cocktails before you start the breakup conversation, I don’t recommend it. When we’re intoxicated, we tend to be absent-minded, and during a breakup conversation, it’s important to be present so that you can be honest, kind, and remember the things you want to say.
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