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HUSBAND SPEAK: Why men and women should stick to their roles

by kenya-tribune

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I’ve been married since the late nineties and I would like to respond to some of the things she said.

We live in a society where people shy away from taking responsibility for their words or actions. Therefore, anyone sticking their neck out their head initially receives frowns and jeers but when they achieve success, other people want to join the party.

Those who say that it is up to the man to make the marriage work are coming from the school of thought which states the man is the leader of the house. The man is the one who goes out looking for a woman to marry.  The man brings the woman into his family and house.  In most instances, the man gives an appreciation (which in many communities is referred to as dowry) to the family of the woman. On the other hand, those who say it is up to the woman to make the marriage work are looking at it from a societal perspective and believe the opposite of what has been stated above.

Needless to say, many of the strong views on either side betray the gender of the view holder.  This is the case with the Wifespeakarticle.”

Marriage is a covenant relationship where the man is expected to give 100 per cent or more just as the woman is also expected to give 100 per cent or more. If this 100 per cent or more calls for working extra hard for the marriage to work, so be it.

A failure by one party in the marriage to give 100 per cent does not excuse the other party from giving their 100 per cent.

Our society has expectations about men and women.  A man getting into an adulterous relationship may not be judged as harshly as a woman doing the same. Unfortunately, this is the society we live in but the gender of the wrongdoer does not excuse the wrong.

If a couple has a serious disagreement in the society today and the wife sheds tears, the husband in most cases is considered to be the one on the wrong. Even if this is not the case.

In Karimi’s article, there was a clergyman who said: “Wives are the ones that make a marriage work or fail”. He was coming from a certain school of thought and societal view. I am curious to know what they said before and after that statement. The couple getting married will hear many things and receive a lot of advice, some of which is contradictory.

Ultimately, they have to try the ropes and find what works for them in different areas and seasons of their marriage.

The discussion on who (read which gender) is to make the marriage work can go on for a long time, just as the discussion on washing the husband’s inner wear.  Some arguments and fights are not worth having.

Imagine a couple having a fight about washing the husband’s inner wear and they receive a washing machine as one of the wedding gifts. Was the fight worth it?
Between a husband and a wife there is none superior to the other, but to each one God has given different roles and responsibilities. We live in a society where older men (and fathers) are not telling younger men (and sons) how to conduct themselves.

If men strongly maintained integrity, character and other good virtues then we would have less of the problems we have in the society today.

Our role is to tell the singles, those dating, those engaged that each of the genders has God-given roles and responsibilities in marriage and society in general.

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