Q: I have been in a relationship with a man for the past three years. He is older than me by 10 years and we are from different countries. When we met, he told me he was separated from his wife with whom they have two teens. We visited our parents when I was pregnant with his child and I later found out that he was having an affair with another woman. After some talk, I forgave him and we forged ahead. One time as I was going through his camera I came across videos of his wife and children and that’s when he told me that he has been living with them when in his home country ever since we met. I felt so betrayed. He accused me of having high emotions and we separated. We now cannot have a proper conversation and we keep on quarreling. I wish my son could have someone to call daddy, I’m so depressed. Please help me.
A: Your marriage lacked transparency from the beginning. Often couples try to keep their life in the dark fearing that when the other partner finds out who they really are, they will be rejected. Your husband didn’t give out his true image and it also shows that you also didn’t scrutinise what he told you. Additionally, there is a picture that portrays your husband as a serial cheater. This is due to the fact that he had his first wife, another woman, and you. Please note that serial cheating is more difficult to resolve than a one-time affair as it is often linked to personality which can be difficult to change. Kindly note that you have to accept the existence of his first wife and children and it will help you make a sound decision concerning this issue. He could have disclosed this to you either because he wanted you to know the truth or he wanted a way out of this marriage. This is a serious issue that requires a lot of sobriety. Communication in your marriage is at its worst, and that could be the reason why you keep on quarreling. The focus is now on you and your son, and you need to empower yourself and take control of your life and in return your self-esteem. You will need to move on, rejuvenate yourself, and not let his infidelity continue hurting you. Your concern is about your son having a father figure but it is also important to reassess the situation and decide whether this is the father you really need for your child.
