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Red Flags To Look Out For That Show Your Man Is Insecure

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paranoid

Ever heard of Paranoid Personality Disorder (PPD)? This is a mental condition characterised by paranoia and a pervasive, long-standing suspicion and generalised mistrust of others. People with paranoid personality disorder are generally insecure.

They will nearly always believe other people’s motives are suspect or even malevolent. It does not help if you are completely honest and lay your life bare so they can see you are not hiding anything. Such people will always suspect mischief, even in the most innocent interactions.

Paranoid

Both men and women can be paranoid and relationships with them are stressful and hard to sustain.

So if that wonderful new guy in your life makes you a little bit uneasy with some quirky ideas or behaviour, here are the signs to look out for:

1. GETS JEALOUS FOR NO REASON
It’s 5 pm and you’ve just left the office. You are running helter-skelter trying to beat the traffic typical of this city. Woe unto you should your boyfriend call and find you aren’t home on time or, worse still, you haven’t gotten means (MEANING MONEY, TRANSPORT?) to get you home. He will start to fight with imaginary ghosts of your ‘other’ boyfriends. Suspicion has set in.

Consider Kenny. He clung to his girlfriend Cynthia like a leech. How many times does your guy call when he is out with the boys? The few who really care will call to say they won’t come home early. Or maybe the obvious text: “Honey, we are playing today, talk to you later.” Never mind the game is Manchester United and he is in a dingy club in Kangemi.

You will only realise he is home when he starts snoring next to you. A paranoid guy will call and text frequently, saying he wants to know how you are, while he actually is checking up and wants to find out if you are up to any mischief.

paranoid

Then there is Paul, an IT specialist in Nairobi. When his girlfriend Brenda informed him she was going out with her girlfriends to celebrate a promotion of one, she had no idea he would fret over it. The girls had agreed on the time and venue for their evening, but Paul had another opinion, never mind anyone asked for it.

He suggested they change that hotel restaurant, apparently because their choice had poor service, it had too much noise and in an inconvenient location. He went ahead to ‘suggest’ another hotel for their evening, where he knew someone who would ensure they get first-class service.

Brenda convinced her friends and they switched. Brenda found out later Paul had actually known the waiter who served them and he was instructed to spy on them and report any mischief to Paul. He paid well to snoop.

2. FORGIVES BUT NEVER FORGETS OR FORGIVES RELUCTANTLY 
It’s understandable a woman will forgive but never forget a wrong done to her on a first date, but a man will easily forgive and forget. However, if your man ‘forgives’ but never forgets, then he could be suffering from Paranoid Personality Disorder. Such a man will forgive, but years down the line he still reminds you of that one thing you did that deflated his ego.

For example, when Mary made a casual remark to her boyfriend of three years, she had no idea she injured his ego and lowered his self-esteem.

paranoid

“Honey, that moustache makes you look older than your age. Why don’t you groom it by trimming a little bit?” She had said. Well, she said it casually and never intended to wound. However, Martin took that very badly. Not only did he not forgive, but he also looked for an opportunity to take revenge. Barely a week later at a social gathering, Mary wore her newly made kitenge and Martin had only one thing to tell her: “Honey, you have put on a few kilos.”

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We know that no woman wants to be told she has added some inches to the waistline. She was hurt and made it clear to Martin she knew he was saying that to spite her. However, he was quick to remind her of the remark she had made about his moustache the previous week. Mary could not understand why Martin had taken such a trivial comment to heart and held a grudge for a whole week, but what she did not know was that she was dating a paranoid.

3. SNOOPS ON YOU
Here is a typically Kenyan scenario. How often does your boyfriend tip your watchman? Every time he visits? It is a nice gesture to show appreciation for what the watchman does, but he should not overdo it. There’s no obligation and after all, it’s his job and he is paid to do just that. Well, in our case, what you may not realise is that the watchman is being tipped to provide information to your boyfriend on your movements while he is away. He is his spy, paid to intrude on your privacy.

Or, he may not miss an opportunity to snoop in your phone and email. Why? He always assumes you are up to something nasty. He will want to get away with that and expect you not to be upset. In his defence, he may say: “Why are you upset? Is there anything you are hiding?” He won’t allow you to use a password or will demand to know it. The moment he picks his phone, there is only one thing on his mind – to check when you were last seen on WhatsApp.

paranoid

If you were online and never communicated to him, or if he sent a message to you but it shows you read and ignored it, that is the beginning of a ‘vibration mode’ phase in your relationship. He automatically suspects you were chatting with other men and gets so worked up that you have a big fight over nothing. Being in this kind of a relationship can be suffocating — in which case you might consider some wisdom from Zen philosophy: The way out is always through the door.

4. RARELY CONFIDES, RARELY OPENS UP
Confiding in a trusted friend is healthy. After all, people who are able to confide in others about their troubles, anxieties or some distressing event — rather than keep it all inside — live happier lives. A paranoid man (or woman) will find it hard to confide in anyone. He would rather suffer on the inside than share his worst fears and feelings with a friend. Sharing is a sign of weakness, to his way of thinking. Enemies and competitors are lurking all around and opening up to anyone who might give them an opportunity to punch back. Their thinking is “everyone is out to get me”.

Take this real-life story of Sally and Tony. When they started dating, Sally did not immediately know Tony had just come from a breakup. And Tony didn’t tell her. He was still hurting and he thought sharing that information with Sally would make him seem like an undesirable lover. Mostly he kept to himself, preferring to remain indoors while Sally was the opposite.

paranoid

She was outgoing. Tony was defensive and blamed Sally whenever they had a misunderstanding. He had a way with words and Sally took the blame to avoid a breakup. What she did not know was Tony was engulfed by fear. Fear of rejection or being taken advantage of. Fear of being duped. He was unwilling to tell her what he had been through in his last relationship.

She loved him so much that she decided to consult a relationship counsellor because their love life was in trouble. She knew trust was the issue. Sally managed to get Tony to agree and little by little, one day at a time, Tony is coming out of the cocoon.

These are just a few signs you should look out for. But do not jump to conclusions which, however, do not necessarily define your man as paranoid. In cases of extreme paranoia, it is advisable to seek professional help from a counsellor.

paranoid

Source: Love Matters

 

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Drama after Rue and Vesha’s birthday surprise to Akothee fails (VIDEO)

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When we talk anything Akothee, best believe it has to be something dramatic. To her normal is boring.

Today, the madam boss turns a year older and because there is nothing much you can do in these Coronavirus times, her daughters got her two cupcakes and lit a candle for her to blow.

As early as 7:50 am, the family was awake and singing to Akothee at their balcony. We know Akothee goes hard or goes home and so seeing this small gesture was not something she can’t relate to.

The girls urged her to sit down saying there is a bigger surprise for her. Akothee adhered to the request and was left with Vesha who was thanking her for being a good mother.

 

As she was blowing out the candles declaring her wishes in this new year, Rue came in and poured cold water on her.  Watch all the drama that took place below:

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Akothee then took to social media to wish herself a happy birthday in a caption saying,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MIN JI. As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands 🙏🏾
👉one for helping yourself, the other for helping others 🙏🏾 if you knew what I know about the power of giving, you would not let a single meal pass without sharing it in some way 🙏🏾 tenda wema nenda Zako @akotheefoundation. You are a blessing to me and many more
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MIN OYOO 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾

The previous day,  Akothee together with members of her foundation donated foodstuff and clothes to Elizabeth Akinyi, a woman kicked out of her home by a cruel landlord, and her plight highlighted online.

‘She was not invited’ Rue Baby calls security on Akothee

Once again Madam Boss has proved to be selfless and given back to society in a day she is expected to get gifts.

Happy birthday Akothee.

Read more here.

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“Corona Cant’ Stop BBI Reggae , We Are On Halftime”  Raila Tells Kenyans

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“Corona Cant’ Stop BBI Reggae , We Are On Halftime”  Raila Tells Kenyans

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How to keep kids in coronavirus lockdown entertained without losing the plot

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With schools closed and social distancing, keeping children entertained will have its challenges

When you’re in isolation with children of any age, the weeks ahead will test your ingenuity to the limit.

ALSO READ: Bad bachelor: How a virus denied me my first chama windfall

With schools closed up and down the country and ­social distancing rules in place, keeping children of all ages entertained will have its challenges.

However, don’t despair – there are plenty of fun, low-cost and free activities you can have up your sleeve.

Here are our top tips and ideas on how to keep kids busy, calm and upbeat during this testing time.

Age two to seven

1. Build a fort

Families are likely to be getting more deliveries than usual, so put the boxes to good use by designing a cardboard fort.

You may have to help with cutting out the doors and windows, but otherwise let your child’s imagination run riot.

ALSO READ: Take shoes off immediately and only wear one pair outside to stop coronavirus

2. Colour your tablecloth

Colouring is a great way to help kids of this age develop motor skills. Invest in a giant colour-in tablecloth, which comes with wash-out fabric pens.

3. Bird and squirrel watching

Encourage your child to become a mini David Attenborough by observing nature out of the window.

Whether it’s tracking the movements of squirrels or learning to recognise different bird songs, encourage kids to make a project of their observations with photos or drawings.

Show how they can encourage wildlife to visit your garden or windowsill with a feeder made of half an apple, scooped out and stuffed with a mix of peanut butter and seeds.

Encourage your child to observe nature out of the window (Image: Getty Images)

4. Make a ‘calm down’ jar

ALSO READ: Love it: Coping with social isolation

No matter how calm you try to keep things, at some point tempers are bound to flare.

Becky Goddard-Hill, co-author of new kids happiness activity book Create Your Own Happy, suggests parents help youngsters by making a ‘calm down’ jar.

For More of This Stories Subscribe to the Standard Epaper to get a copy of Eve Woman in the Standard

Dissolve three tablespoons of glitter glue, two teaspoons of fine glitter, a few drops of food colouring and some hand soap in hot water.

Pour it almost to the top of an empty jar, and screw the top on tightly.

When cooled, your child can shake it, then spend precious minutes watching the glitter swirl and settle, which should relax them.

5. Throw a disco

Children need to be active to keep their spirits up, says psychologist Dr Angharad Rudkin.

Suggest each member of the family makes a half-hour playlist, dims the lights and puts on a disco each day.

Or try online dance classes and learn a routine.

Age eight to 12

1. Grow a windowsill garden

Just because they are cooped up inside doesn’t mean children can’t keep learning about the natural world.

Inspire a love of nature by helping them grow some easy flowers and veg.

To get fast results, order cornflower or pot marigold seeds online, which germinate in as little as two weeks.

Alternatively, help them grow their own salad veg by planting quick-sprouting radishes or cress.

A fruit carton, cut in half, with holes in the bottom or even an old welly boot will do the trick if you don’t have any pots.

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Setting up a daily reading time and take it in turns to be the storyteller 

2. Start story time

Digital distractions mean children are likely to get immersed in their phones and tablets.

Parenting educator Noel Janis-Norton, author of the Calmer Easier Happier Parenting series of books, suggests setting up a daily reading time.

Set a good example by picking up a book too.

Try 20 minutes at first and build up. Take it in turns to be the storyteller.

3. Stage a premiere

There’s no avoiding the fact your children will be watching more TV than usual but try to make it a little bit special on occasions.

Make some popcorn, dim the lights and put on your favourite family film.

Arrange your chairs in front of the screen like a movie theatre, and ask the kids to make tickets for your showing.

Then all sit down and watch it together.

You don’t need a telescope to do some nightly stargazing (Image: AFP via Getty Images)

4. Learn to star and cloud-gaze

Do some nightly stargazing to spot planets such as Venus and Mars, identify the major constellations and chart the phases of the moon.

You don’t need a telescope either.

Even a pair of binoculars will allow you to see the mountains and craters on the lunar surface.

You point your phone at the sky and it gives an instant guide to what you are looking at.

During the day, children can also learn to identify the dozens of different types of clouds and collect them with help from The Cloud Collector’s Handbook.

Age 13 to 16

1. Write letters

Being stuck inside could be the perfect way to reintroduce the lost art of letter writing, says parenting expert Becky Goddard-Hill, who is also author of Be Happy, Be You, which has 50 science-backed happiness-boosting tips for teens.

It’s a great way to encourage teenagers to think of other people who might feel lonely during this time and reach out to them.

With some calming music on in the background, writing letters can be a really relaxing way to chill out.

2. Take virtual tours

The museums and art galleries may be closed but if your teenager wants to expand their horizons, there are now virtual tours of thousands of the world’s most important museums, including the Van Gogh Museum in Amsterdam and the Guggenheim in New York.

The tours are so good it’s like you are actually wandering through the corridors and you can zoom in to view any masterpieces you fancy.

Moths are every bit as beautiful as butterflies and observing them and recording pics on your phone will keep kids enthralled (Image: Getty Images)

3. Try moth catching

Moths are every bit as beautiful as butterflies and the easiest way to observe them up close is to hang a sheet outside.

Wait until it’s dark, then shine a light onto the sheet.

Leave it for an hour before popping out to see your moth visitors.

Take pictures and build an album on your phone comparing their amazing wing patterns.

Don’t touch them though as their wings are easily damaged.

4. Create a family tree

Researchers discovered that finding out about relatives and ancestors can help give young people more perspective and learn resilience.

Look at the lives of relatives who are in living memory and put together their pictures and stories to create mini biographies.

Ringing elderly relatives to ask for their recollections is also a great way to keep in touch if they are also in isolation.

It can be a useful reminder of the difficulties your family has overcome.

Do not miss out on the latest news. Join the Eve Digital Telegram channel HERE.

The views and opinions expressed here are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of Evewoman.co.ke

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