It is easy to lament about men’s little participation in domestic chores. But the sincerity of women in seeking help needs to be interrogated.
We start with one question: why do women correct anything a man does in the house?
Men usually do not call their wives to find out if they gave children food or prescribed medicine. But women do it all the time to their husbands. It could mean they do not trust anything is going on right in the house in their absence.
This micro-management is symptomatic of residual resistance that suggests women are, perhaps, not ready to see men establishing themselves in the home.
Of course, women are not motivated by malice, and most of the time they are not conscious that they are micromanaging their husbands. But they do it nevertheless, as many a married man can testify.
Whenever Jane is out, she is tempted to follow up on many details in the house and to cross-check if I did it correctly: whether the food was prepared and served, what food it was, etc.
Yet, as a man, I would hardly call to ask this as I trust everything is going on well.
A newly married bar acquaintance recently narrated to me a bitter exchange he had with his wife that day. He was tired of being supervised and overruled in the house.
His wife had gone for some training and left him with the baby. His beef was that his wife would keep calling him and the house girl, and reversing decisions the man had made and instructions he had given to the house girl.
“I have told her to either trust me or go with the baby or even take the whole house with her if she thinks they are not safe with me,” he said.
This patronising is said to be a big factor in ‘killing’ men’s morale and breaking their confidence as co-parents.
Maybe the women genuinely mean well. And especially knowing that society holds them “responsible” for what happens at home, especially house appearance and children’s welfare.
Science throws in a compelling spin. Researchers studied relationships of 4,500 middle-aged US couples over 20 years, analysing data on sex lives and sharing of housework.
They found that when men engage in domestic work, there is less romance in the relationship.
Let us see why by citing one of the reports verbatim:
“Men who do household chores (traditionally done by women) are seen as less attractive by their significant other. Not that the women don’t appreciate the men helping, but at some biological level – guys folding laundry are seen as weak, and unattractive.
The study showed that folding clothes, washing dishes, vacuuming, and the like result in men and women having less sex. When women were asked to rate the attractiveness of men helping with domestic duties, they were often rated as weaker and less masculine.
Women found men who were mowing the lawn, staining the deck, or repairing the car as more attractive.”
This study brings to life women’s conflicting emotions—hating the bad boy while secretly admiring him; wanting men to help in the house while being romantically attracted to those who don’t!
But why does domestic work make men less sexually appealing? Perhaps there is a scientific conspiracy to lock men out of the home and render them eternally dependent on women.
It’s a jungle out there!
