‘We got another shot at life’

Easter celebrations have different meanings to different people. For some, it is a time to mingle with their friends and family as others choose to travel or just observe lent. For Christians, it is a reminder of the death and ressurection of Jesus. A symbol of reawakening. A triumph.

As songs of victory rent the air, women who have gone through life-defining ordeals get candid and recount the moments they felt low, sad, angry and dejected, to when they overcame whatever life had thrown at them. Here are their triumphant journeys.

Coming from a background of 13 siblings, Febronia Opondo had deep love for children and greatly desired to one day have her own.

It was inscribed in her heart that she would want five children and planned to space them in a gap of three to four years or less. So, when she was 23 and had met the love of her life, she conceived her firstborn. Four years later, she had her second. Both were boys and she looked forward to bearing a girl.

On the flipside, her husband had only wanted one child, so he was contented with the two they had.
When she was 29, Febronia, who had never experienced labour pains in both her pregnancies, started preparing to conceive a third child.

“The desire turned into a prayer item. Each time I received my monthly periods, it was like a stab in my heart. I cried and was so sad,” says the woman in her mid-fifties.
While the pressure mounted from within, her in-laws also wanted her to get another child. She would then request her mother-in-law to allow her to raise the daughter of her young sister-in-law who had conceived while in primary school.
 “You cannot close your own womb and want someone else’s child,” was the answer that made her yearn more for her own daughter.
Though heartbroken, Febronia visited a gynaecologist to get to understand what was wrong. Tests from the hospital showed that her fallopian tubes were blocked.

With her tubes thereafter unblocked, Febronia never conceived. A few months down the line, she went back and was put on some medicines and supplements but she still never conceived.
“The doctor told me that I should stop looking for another baby since I had secondary infertility,” she says.

Devastated by the revelation, Febronia returned home but continued taking her supplements since she knew she had to balance her hormones.

All this time, her husband was agitated by her agony whenever she got her periods and it bruised their relationship. However, six years after and at the age of 33, Febronia conceived twins this time; a girl and a boy. Her husband was equally elated and their relationship turned rosy.

To Febronia, she was done giving birth, but according to her husband’s customs, it’s a taboo to have twins as the last born. After five years, while back from a trip, Febronia notes that her body started feeling off. At 39, she thought it was early menopause, so she went for a check-up.

The doctor asked her to do a pregnancy test, but she laughed it off since she did not imagine she would be pregnant. “Holding the results, the doctor sarcastically told me: ‘Yes this is menopause and it will take nine months’,” she recalls.

She was upset this time, not because she did not want the child, but because she was getting ready to start working. She felt embarrassed to even break the news to her first born who was then in form four, but all went well eventually.

Having gone through secondary infertility, Febronia says that diet and not being anxious is the only remedy to conceive. She encourages women who are facing the same saying, “if you have ever given birth, you can again.”

For Agnes Kiplagat, life was normal and fruitful for 44 years in which she toiled hard to fend for her family through her street vending business.

Early 2018, she developed severe stomach pains and had blood in her stool. She sought medication and underwent quite a number of tests to get a proper diagnosis.
Not in her wildest imaginations did the 48-year-old think she had cancer, and at stage three.

When the doctors broke the news, she was terror-stricken.

“I asked ‘why me?’ I felt I could not beat stage three colon cancer. What did I do wrong? Where would I get finances to pay for my treatment? I was so discouraged,” Agnes recalls.

It dawned on Agnes that she not only had to survive but also spend more days with her family, so her strength rejuvenated as she wore her determination boots and braced herself for the journey ahead.
“I underwent 12 radiotherapy and 30 chemotherapy sessions. The journey was boisterous. The painful radio and chemo only made it harder, but soldiered on. I refused to be another statistic,” she says.

Agnes shares that from the radio and chemotherapies, she constantly had diarrhoea, felt nauseated, vomited, and had irritations during bowel movements. She could not walk nor feed alone.

Her husband, faithful congregants, well-wishers, friends and relatives became her pillar. They not only financed her treatment but also encouraged her when the going got tough.

Additionally, prayer became an armour that she held on to. She believed God would certainly heal her. After a long two years, Agnes was declared cancer-free.

She recalls the day as if it were yesterday. The events of the day keep on replaying in her mind. She did it. She made it. “When I finished the 30 chemotherapy sessions, I was told I was cancer-free in May 2021. I was beyond happy. I danced in joy. Praises rented my mouth. I had conquered it!”

Agnes had won a battle many had succumbed to. Like David she had fought her Goliath, she trounced him and was accorded victory.

She returned for check-up in December as advised by the doctor to ascertain her status. Though several thoughts raced in her mind, she remained positive. After several tests, Agnes was confirmed to be cancer-free.

 “I would only encourage all cancer patients not to give up. They will fight cancer. I did it, so will they,” she offered.

When Chebet, 29, graduated in 2016, she was three months pregnant. She was confused by the realisation that she would be a mother as that was never in her immediate plans.

She says that though she had a job, her goals were to graduate, get married and then start a family. Now expectant, Chebet, a presenter, was assigned a cooking show where she would sample different foods in various hotels.

“I was nauseated because of the food diversions and shortly after, I was fired from the job for not meeting my employer’s standards,” she admits.

The termination of the contract dented her self-esteem but three months later, she got an internship opportunity. Though she was not receiving any payment, Chebet worked for three months in another media house till she was almost due.

The first two months after delivering, Chebet stayed at her in-laws and then left for her parent’s home. Around Easter 2017, her boyfriend’s relatives organised a party for her.
“This was another trigger. I received so many gifts that I felt that they were doing so out of pity,” she says.

Being a mother and not being financially stable was a nightmare that kept haunting her. More so, alternating homes never made it easier for her.

“I felt like a burden, was guilty and suicidal. I wished death upon myself and my child, but at the same time, I was afraid of dying.”

Mum about her predicament, Chebet became a prisoner of her thoughts. Her mind was her judge and jury that sentenced her to depression.

She had insomnia running into days. Showering was a daunting task. Feeding was dreadful. Taking care of her own baby was never her priority. She became detached from reality. She was psychotic.
Seeing how her life was collapsing, Chebet’s mother-in-law took her to the hospital where she received some medication and was sedated so she could sleep.

“Even so, it took me some while to catch some sleep as I thought that I would die if I closed my eyes,” she reveals.

After she started recuperating, Chebet left her in-laws’ for her home. Fortunately, she got another internship opportunity in October 2017 and left for Nairobi to join her partner.

Even with an opportunity that preoccupied her mind, Chebet was never upbeat. When the internship ended in January 2017, she went back home where she continued healing by her mother.
 “This really helped me regain myself and even become better than before. She’d take me out to catch a breather and encourage me to apply for jobs,” she says.

In 2019 August, she was hired by the same media house she had interned at the previous year. By then, she had fully recuperated and even travelled to live with her husband.

However, when she delivered her second child in May 2020, she developed signs of mania psychosis in June. Thanks to her support system, she was treated immediately.

“Though I had anticipated it, I did not want the recovery to take long,” she says. After taking the medicine religiously for three months, she felt better and never got any episode again.

“You never understand what someone else is going through until you walk in their steps. Silence is golden if you have never been mentally ill. Slandering or stigmatising the victim will only make it worse. Read up on what they are suffering from and be pivotal not the stressor or trigger,” she advises.

Chebet is now the head of media and communications for the Reuben Kigame Media.

Juggling between school and work from quite a young age, Leah Omil, 31, had to work hard to pay her school fees.

This was 2009 and she undertook her diploma at the University of Nairobi where she lived with an uncle. With the responsibility lying on her shoulders, Leah never had the luxury to be like other comrades who enjoyed campus days. She graduated in 2011.

Leah moved in with her sister around 2015 since her uncle’s house was becoming unbearable. Still, Leah had to contribute the day to day expenses while also financing her undergraduate degree in project management.

After some time, she had to leave her sister’s house and moved in with her best friend. “When I got to their hostel, it was clear that I was not wanted there as well. Though she did not verbalise it, her actions were crystal clear,” she says.

Desperate to make adjustments, Leah called a colleague she once worked with and she accepted to accommodate her for two months at her house in Kasarani. She was jobless then, but within weeks, she landed a Sh14, 000 paying job in Rongai and started helping her host in purchasing everyday needs.

When two months elapsed, Leah had to leave. She called yet another friend asking whether she could accommodate her in her room in Buruburu.

“She agreed to let me move in with her but on condition that I will chip in paying rent. I request her to start chipping in after a month and she agrees,” she recalls.

However, when she got there, the friend demanded an immediate contribution for rent. She had to borrow money from people towards it. After a month, the friend kicked her out. That’s when Leah rented a Sh6, 000 bedsitter at Jacaranda. With no savings and no clear career roadmap, Leah quit her 8:00 am to 5:00 pm job.

“I started working as an online writer subcontracted by someone else. So, I woke up early to do her work. In the first week, I earned Sh5, 000. I was excited,” she recalls.

Picking up the pace in the online writing jobs, Leah worked under three more employers. Having been in a dark place financially, Leah knew her hard work would put a roof over her head, pay her fees and give her the luxury to purchase whatever she had been desiring.

From a meagre salary, Leah was now cashing in Sh50, 000 every week. Still, she is not saving up and spending on the go till one day, her writing account was closed and she could not access her pay.
She borrowed money from her close relatives and topped it up with a loan from a lending company to get another account, which was also closed shortly after.

This was her wake-up call. Leah needed help in organising her finances. She was hard-working and earned her money but her savings coffers were dry.

She linked up with a friend, a financial literacy expert, who became her mentor. Secondly, she was aware that her creative juices engine would knock out sooner than later.

She needed a plan and wanted to learn how to monetise her skills in human resources. So, she started her consultancy firm. Though with no clear roadmap, Leah depended on her mentor for guidance on how to position herself.

Even though she hasn’t attained financial stability yet, she learned the hard way how to save.

She advises: “Knowing the difference between wants and needs is very key in understanding if you are living above your means. Further, one needs to be disciplined and not succumb to peer pressure.”